


What I held.

by Yui_Miyamoto



Category: Zetsuai and Bronze
Genre: Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Cross-Posted on LiveJournal, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-01-02
Updated: 2001-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-18 04:47:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29362737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yui_Miyamoto/pseuds/Yui_Miyamoto
Summary: As Koji looks at Izumi, he begins to cry and finally realizes all the things he had been keeping inside.
Relationships: Izumi Takuto/Nanjou Kouji





	What I held.

**Disclaimer: Zetsuai is held by the awesome Minami Ozaki-sama. I just am so in love with the story that I just had to finally make a fanfic. Unworthy as it is...**  
  
I thought nothing could break me.  
Apparently, he didn't either, but he did anyway...  
  
 **What I held.  
by Miyamoto Yui**  
  
As he laid there with a fever, he began to mumble quietly. "No, no, Mother. Don't!"  
  
  
And I couldn't understand what he was talking about. It was mentioned to me by his teacher. But he wouldn't tell me anything about that incident. And so this boy that I didn't know at all, he became more mysterious. He had taken me from the pouring rain and began to care for me as if we had been childhood friends.  
Through that hard exterior, through all the insults, through the sternness he had tried to foster in front of me, I earnestly took this minor abuse to my ego or so on. There was something endearing about it.  
  
  
He was just being himself, I had found out.  
  
And here I was kneeling next to him in concern and worry. Though he seemed all right, he began to have nightmares and there was absolutely nothing that I could do about them.  
  
Nothing at all...  
  
At that moment, I began to cry. Touching my tears, I was so alarmed at my emotions.  
  
I had never done this before...  
  
When my brother got upset with me for sleeping with his girlfriend...  
When I was picked on by my family...  
When I got angry for being pushed into sword training...  
  
Never had I shown any type of strong emotion. No anger. No sadness. No happiness.  
  
I had always kept a clear eye out for the future though I acted so recklessly. And as I looked at Izumi, I began to realize all that I had been lacking.  
I began to see all the things that had hurt me so much but I had kept a straight face lest I lose my honor. This indefinite pride that I kept inside of me though it was sometimes too much to maintain, but nonetheless kept.  
  
Crying even more, I placed my hands on the ground and looked at him more. By now, he was sleeping soundly.  
That peaceful face at sleep...  
  
Hiding everything behind that tough mask, he was letting his dreams slide by the wayside. He had too many to protect.  
He had too many secrets to hide.  
  
And he wouldn't tell me.  
None of it.  
  
I didn't blame him.  
What could I do for him? What could I possibly do for him?  
  
I want to know more about you. I want to help you.  
I want to...  
to...to love you...  
  
Reaching out to him in the darkness, he stirred as if he knew and turned to one side. An unconscious rejection...  
  
It was then that I held my mouth and began to pour even more tears down to the ground. Sobbing quietly, I was now aware of myself.  
  
All the tears I had held inside were gushing out of me.  
And I didn't know that there had been so many.  
  
Almost in a rage, I wanted to scream at Takuto Izumi sleeping like my fallen angel right in front of me. It was his fault for making me confused, for making me think twice about everything now...  
  
But I knew there was no one...  
No one to blame but myself.  
  
I had looked for so long for this feeling. And I was so unaware of the impact it would have on me.  
It was because of Izumi...  
  
it's because of you, Izumi.  
  
You had brought it out.  
You brought to my attention.  
  
And so if I lose you now, if I let you leave me...  
  
I couldn't finish my thought.  
  
I can't...  
...live without you now.  
  
My sobs became a murmur and I continued to cry as I stared at Izumi, who unknowingly had become the object of my twisted desire. I couldn't hold my tears anymore and nor could I take back my feelings.  
There was no return...  
  
None.  
No mercy.  
  
 **Owari.**

**Author's Note:**

> I love Izumi, but Koji is the scary one that I identify with...


End file.
